Day 274: Dentistry

Wow, what a day!  So this morning I went to the dentist for the first time in many many years.  My teeth are in terrible shape and they hurt me.  Apparently they are also making me sick and could kill me if I don't get things taken care of.  Seriously??  Am I the only one who didn't know that bad teeth could kill you?

With so much damage and not enough money, I figured why start if I can't finish taking care of things?  Besides that, how much of wanting my teeth fixed was just vanity?  I was looking at dentistry as a great big want that was far out of my price range.  I didn't realize it was a need.

So, now I have an appointment tomorrow to remove up to nine teeth.  I'm stressing over how I'm going to pay for the work that will be done, but at least I don't have to pay for it all up front.  Edye and June reminded me this morning that there is no reason to be anxious because God's got this covered.  I made the comment that I'm not scared like a little kid is scared and June said, Oh, yes you are.  Edye and June didn't take it easy on my yesterday, but they are sure good for helping me grow up in my faith.  God has truly blessed me with some amazing friends.

Then, tonight, I went to my growth group.  There were only four of us tonight and we didn't even end up talking about the book.  We talked about Sue for a while and we talked about me for a while.  Amy asked questions to her heart's content and Kelly took it all in and supported us.  Amy shared what she has seen prayer do in her life recently and then they all prayed for me and my family.  It was such a loving and wonderful thing.

While I was worried about money and silliness like that, Kelly, Sue and Amy were more concerned with the immediate concerns that I hadn't even thought of.  Kelly is coming to get me so I won't ride the bus home and she headed to the store tonight to make sure that I'll have soft foods to eat once I'm able to eat again.  Amy is coming over after work tomorrow to keep and eye on me and help out with the kids.  Sue gave me her number for any help that I might need on Thursday and she's giving me a ride to house sit on Friday.  I didn't ask for help and it hadn't even occurred to me that I might need help, but there it was.  I feel so coddled and protected.  God really has blessed me with amazing friends.

Something that used to be scary and intimidating to me has turned into such an outpouring of loving support and guidance that I can't really do anything but appreciate the miracles that God has surrounded me with.  :)

Day 270: Disappointment

I sent a follow up email today about the job I applied for.  I received a response that they were overwhelmed by qualified candidates from around the country but after much prayer and deliberation they decided not to hire someone for the position at this time.  They are keeping my resume and application on file for when they re-open the position.  I was really excited about the possibility so it seems almost worse than a rejection that they chose not to hire right now.  Either way, it seems that it’s not where I need to be right now even though I was really hoping for it.   I know God must have another path for me, but I cried a little.

Our Sunshine called us today.  She’s in a pageant in Wichita.  She’s very excited.  She wanted to know if we were going to be there Sunday for the show.  Tickets are $15 each.  We don’t have a car.  We don’t have the gas money to get down there if we had a car to borrow and we don’t have the money to rent a car, even if we didn’t still owe Enterprise almost three hundred fifty dollars for the extension of our rental when we went to pick Ash up for the summer but didn’t get to bring her home.  This is the first time I had gotten to even talk to Ash on the phone for over a month and all I can do is disappoint her.  When I passed the phone off to Payton, I cried a little more.

We went to McDonald’s for supper.  This is our first dinner out together in a couple of weeks now.  We had dollar menu burgers, fries and drinks and then we splurged a bit on the ice cream.  Dan had a frozen strawberry lemonade, Payton had a small chocolate shake and Livi had a small vanilla shake.  I ordered a snack sized Rollo McFlurry, but the ice cream was too soft.  I tried not to cry again.  Fail.

On our way out the door to get the free Redbox we had a coupon for, people were getting McFlurries.  Dan went back in and got me some ice cream while I checked out our movie.  I ate my melting ice cream on the way across the parking lot to Target and tried not to drip all over my new shirt.  I finished eating my Rollo/vanilla soup as we hunted for fans.  We don’t shop at Target much, so of course we checked in all the wrong places first.  We finally found a fan.  We used our Visa gift card that our good Samaritan gave us to get an oscillating floor fan that’s tall enough to blow the cool air from the wall unit AC over the back of the couch into the rest of the apartment.  We sat down to wait on a bench in the shade for 20 minutes until the last bus of the night would show up across the parking lot.  That’s when Regan and Dan drove by.  It’s there anniversary and they had left kids with grandparents, had a nice dinner out and were heading home.  Regan dropped her Dan off at home and then came back to take us home. 

My Dan turned on the PlayStation as soon as he walked in the door and Livi helped me put the fan together.   Dan and Payton can’t play online because our internet has been so slow all day that I couldn’t even check our electric bill online.

Dan and I are wearing new clothes.  My kitchen is finally cooler than the day outside.  I have two beautiful, healthy kids here with me, and I finally got to talk to my other beautiful, healthy daughter.  I’m going to have a movie night with three of my favorite people.  We have a comfy couch to snuggle up on and Dan and I have a bed to sleep in.  My days are filled with texts, facebook messages and phone calls from all of the people who love me.  It’s not a special occasion.  It’s just because they love me.  I know I am blessed.  It’s so easy to see.  But it’s still so easy to see all of the challenges and difficulties in my path. 

I don’t know how we’re going to pay all the bills.

I don’t know when we will see Ashlynn again.

I don’t know what kind of job God has in store for me.

I don’t know why today was so hard for me.

I DO KNOW . . . God loves me and has a plan for me.

I DO KNOW . . . I am blessed with amazing friends and family.

I DO KNOW . . . I have been entrusted with an awesome responsibility of wonderful children.

I DO KNOW . . . that I am not alone.

I DO KNOW . . . God will take care of us.

I DO KNOW . . . God’s got each of those tears that I cried today and they will be returned as blessings.

I DO KNOW . . . it is good to be loved.

Time to relax, enjoy an evening with my family, get some sleep, and start fresh tomorrow.  


Click here to read my prayer for today.

Day 269: Rollin'

What's up, homeys?

So, today was a crazy busy, in a fun kind of way, day.  I had to cancel my morning walk so I could get some resumes printed for Dan's job fair thing.  Then we went to Wal-Mart and bought him one new shirt so he wouldn't look too much like an orphan (or an elf, if you ask Livi) when he went in.  Edye was gracious enough to drive us around as we alternated our errands with hers.

We got home around nine and I helped Dan trim up his 'stache, made sandwiches for everyone and packed a lunch for Dan and one for Livi and I.  Then Livi and I headed out to KC with Regan, while Dan waited to get on the bus for his interview and stuff.  While I was riding to KC, I went over the bus schedule with Dan to make sure he could get to the interview easily.

Once we got to Wonderscopes, we let the kids run around like lunatics and they had a blast.  There is a totally cool undersea set up in the gym that's made of Legos and they have an octopus, a squid, a hammer head, a jelly fish, a sea turtle and a dolphin, among other things.  Super cool and I got a few pics for my budding marine biologist, Payton.  They loved the farm room and the H2Oh! room.  The one that stuck in my head today, though, was the ball room.  After all the fun, we had lunch and headed for Deanna Rose Farmstead.  It's a great place for the kiddos and it wore us all out, especially in the heat.

On the way home, I realized why the ball room stuck with me so much.  In the ball room, there were hundreds of golf balls that the kids could roll down ramps.  There were loop d'loops and aiming at moving buckets, and a little thing that Livi said made music.  The one that stuck with me the most was the progressive hills.  You start with the ball around eight feet in the air and let it roll down the hill.  It gets enough momentum to get to the top of the next, slightly smaller hill, which, in turn, allows it to crest the next slightly smaller hill.  There were only four or five hills, but it seems a metaphor of personal growth.

My current struggle is finance.  As we struggle with money, I worry about how we are going to pay the rent and the utilities and are we going to lose the things we have left in storage because we can't pay for it.  I began tithing a few months ago when I realized that my safety and security will never be found in a budget, but in God's grace.  I felt that I was taking that step in faith that God was asking of me.  Then I decided that I had probably better start donating plasma to make sure I could keep up with the weekly withdrawal.  So much for trusting God.  I struggled with this and I got a nasty cold from my baby brother so I couldn't donate plasma anyway.  But I still worried about it.  One week, I even ended up paying a bank charge for my tithe because I had miscalculated our account.  I finally came to grips with not donating plasma and that God is going to take care of us.  Then, I realized tonight that I'm worrying about our stuff in storage and how we're going to keep it.  It's not even my stuff.  It's all on loan from God and maybe I don't really need it anyway.  A beautiful Samaritan left us a box of clothes and kitchen supplies on our porch today.  God's taking care of us.  Each time I get caught up in worry about the stuff or money that God has entrusted us to take care of, I have to stop myself again.  I have to pray for forgiveness for my lack of faith and hand it all over to God again.  But each time, that hill is just a tiny bit shorter.

I may never see the end of this line of hills.  Every time, I remind myself again that God will take care of our needs and all of our stuff is really His.  Every time, I catch myself just a little bit quicker and handing it back over to God is just a smidge easier.  I know that as these hills get shorter, it will clear my view of the horizon so that I can see the next set of hills.  I'll never run out of hills.  But God will keep giving me the momentum I need to crest the next hill if I just trust in His grace, one more time.

Day 268: To Lose or Not to Lose?

After extensive walking for a month and trying to eat better, I lost ten pounds.  After another month of extensive walking, I leveled out. And the third month of walking gained me two pounds.  Dan, on the other hand has been walking 4.2 miles home from work 2 - 5 nights a week.  He has only been doing this for maybe three weeks and he has lost 11 pounds.  If he keeps walking, he will keep losing.  That's what he does.  Me, I'll keep walking not see any change.  I wish I could figure out what it is that I'm supposed to figure out about PCOS that's going to help me make some progress.  Even the interns at the Health Care Access Clinic tell me that eating right is important and exercise is vital.  From all they could find, I need to keep eating well and keep exercising, but that I probably won't see any results.  Not so encouraging. . .  I am, however, very happy for Dan!  Don't get me wrong, but still . . .

On a positive note, my chiropractor swears that in working with my back and adjusting me, he can tell that I am building muscle.  I sure hope he is right.  Also, he suggested a steak day.  I have to buy a lean steak, like a sirloin, nothing super yummy like ribeye.  And I get to eat a good portion in the morning and nibble on it the rest of the day.  That's it.  He says that a lean protein steak day like that should help jump start my metabolism.  I think I'll get a steak on Friday and nibble on Saturday and we'll see how things go from there.

Wish me luck!

Day 260: Zip Lock Ice Cream

I didn't realize I would start such a frenzy, but I've had so many people ask about ziplock ice cream that I figured I better just post the recipe!  :)

What you need:
1 cup Milk (I used 3/4 c evaporated milk and 1/4 c water.  Don't know if non-dairy will work.)
2 Tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla (for chocolate, leave off vanilla and add enough chocolate syrup to make it look like your favorite chocolate milk)
1/2 cup salt
Lots of ice
1 Quart size zip lock freezer bag
2 Gallon size zip lock freezer bags

Steps
1. Mix milk, sugar and flavor in a glass until sugar is dissolved.
2.  Pour into quart size freezer bag and seal it up.
3.  Put quart size bag of goodness in the gallon size bag.  Fill gallon size bag half way with ice and salt.
4.  Seal the gallon size bag and then put it in the last gallon bag.  Seal this bag to prevent leakage.
5.  You know the drill . . . It's shake and don't bake!  Five to ten minutes is awesome.  Keep on shaking until you have the desired consistency.  Five minutes should be a soft serve where as ten would be scoopable, if you have a really little scoop.

It does get pretty cold, so little ones might need mittens, or towels or something.  It's awesome on a hot day to cool off as you're making it and then you get to eat it after you've already burned off the calories!  YAY!  :)

Day 259: Independence Day

Today was a pretty good day.  It was a little different because I knew going in that there would be no fireworks for us this year.  For maybe the first time ever, we skipped out on the extra expenses of a fun holiday because it was not in our budget.  It's rarely been in our budget, but we always find a way to spend anyway.  I'm going to call that a step towards our financial independence.

Now, there was a big shindig at the park downtown where we could have gone to watch the city fireworks display.  I'm guessing it's about a three mile hike and once we got there, the only thing free would be the fireworks.  I would have had to spend the afternoon reinforcing for my kids how broke we are and that we can't buy ice cream or sodas or pay for games or whatever other fun stuff was going on that wasn't free.  Instead, I planned fun things for home.  We made home made ziplock bag ice cream, which was super yummy!  Dan's step-dad, Al, was in town.  We had cheese dip and rented "Gnomeo and Juliet."  It was a great night.  We'll call that one a step towards independence from monetary frustrations and trying to do things "normally."

We enjoyed time together as a family, had fun, ate well and made ice cream.  I don't think anyone missed the expensive stuff, although we would have enjoyed it if we had the opportunity.  What a great day.