What's up, homeys?
So, today was a crazy busy, in a fun kind of way, day. I had to cancel my morning walk so I could get some resumes printed for Dan's job fair thing. Then we went to Wal-Mart and bought him one new shirt so he wouldn't look too much like an orphan (or an elf, if you ask Livi) when he went in. Edye was gracious enough to drive us around as we alternated our errands with hers.
We got home around nine and I helped Dan trim up his 'stache, made sandwiches for everyone and packed a lunch for Dan and one for Livi and I. Then Livi and I headed out to KC with Regan, while Dan waited to get on the bus for his interview and stuff. While I was riding to KC, I went over the bus schedule with Dan to make sure he could get to the interview easily.
Once we got to Wonderscopes, we let the kids run around like lunatics and they had a blast. There is a totally cool undersea set up in the gym that's made of Legos and they have an octopus, a squid, a hammer head, a jelly fish, a sea turtle and a dolphin, among other things. Super cool and I got a few pics for my budding marine biologist, Payton. They loved the farm room and the H2Oh! room. The one that stuck in my head today, though, was the ball room. After all the fun, we had lunch and headed for Deanna Rose Farmstead. It's a great place for the kiddos and it wore us all out, especially in the heat.
On the way home, I realized why the ball room stuck with me so much. In the ball room, there were hundreds of golf balls that the kids could roll down ramps. There were loop d'loops and aiming at moving buckets, and a little thing that Livi said made music. The one that stuck with me the most was the progressive hills. You start with the ball around eight feet in the air and let it roll down the hill. It gets enough momentum to get to the top of the next, slightly smaller hill, which, in turn, allows it to crest the next slightly smaller hill. There were only four or five hills, but it seems a metaphor of personal growth.
My current struggle is finance. As we struggle with money, I worry about how we are going to pay the rent and the utilities and are we going to lose the things we have left in storage because we can't pay for it. I began tithing a few months ago when I realized that my safety and security will never be found in a budget, but in God's grace. I felt that I was taking that step in faith that God was asking of me. Then I decided that I had probably better start donating plasma to make sure I could keep up with the weekly withdrawal. So much for trusting God. I struggled with this and I got a nasty cold from my baby brother so I couldn't donate plasma anyway. But I still worried about it. One week, I even ended up paying a bank charge for my tithe because I had miscalculated our account. I finally came to grips with not donating plasma and that God is going to take care of us. Then, I realized tonight that I'm worrying about our stuff in storage and how we're going to keep it. It's not even my stuff. It's all on loan from God and maybe I don't really need it anyway. A beautiful Samaritan left us a box of clothes and kitchen supplies on our porch today. God's taking care of us. Each time I get caught up in worry about the stuff or money that God has entrusted us to take care of, I have to stop myself again. I have to pray for forgiveness for my lack of faith and hand it all over to God again. But each time, that hill is just a tiny bit shorter.
I may never see the end of this line of hills. Every time, I remind myself again that God will take care of our needs and all of our stuff is really His. Every time, I catch myself just a little bit quicker and handing it back over to God is just a smidge easier. I know that as these hills get shorter, it will clear my view of the horizon so that I can see the next set of hills. I'll never run out of hills. But God will keep giving me the momentum I need to crest the next hill if I just trust in His grace, one more time.
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