That fine line. . .

It's almost eleven, I have to be up at five thirty but I'm just not able to sleep.  I figured I better work some things out by writing or I'll never get to sleep.

The last time we saw Ash was in January, when we celebrated Christmas at Mom and Dad's house in Quinter.  When I checked with her about coming for spring break, she said she didn't want to come because she was mad at Dan.  She said she was upset that he never answers her facebook messages or texts and he doesn't call her.  She was also upset that he has so many pictures of Livi on his facebook and almost none of her.

Part of the confusion comes from the android tablet Dan has that shows he's always logged into facebook if he has wifi even though he is rarely actually uses it.  We let his phone shut down as we weren't really using it and it seemed like a waste of money, so texting is pretty much out.  Anybody who hangs with Livi much takes her pic and tags us, so they show up on our page, but we don't have a working camera and we've only seen Ash twice in the past year, so it's hard to compete in that department either.

Basically, the way I see it, Dan and Ash just need to be together in one place so they can talk in person and work things out.  I'm not sure how this will happen if she doesn't want to come her and they don't talk on the phone.  When she wouldn't see us over spring break, she wouldn't message Payton or I either.  Then about a month later, she texts to see if we are coming to her eighth grade graduation.

Dan and Payton neither really get the idea of a graduation for eighth grade, but I've tried to explain that it's a pretty big deal in some places.

Dan and I got the time off work and Payton will have to miss a band concert, but he's ok with that.  Missing the band concert is actually the only reason Payton wants to go.

Payton is so hurt that Ash wouldn't see us or talk to us that he doesn't understand why we should go see her now.  Why would she even invite us if she didn't want to see us?  I tried to explain to him that if we don't take this chance to see her, we could lose her.  For good.  He tells me that we already have.

I pray that he's wrong.  I see how hurt he is and I want to fix it but I can't.  I don't know how Ash is feeling because I haven't really had a chance to talk to her, but I imagine she's feeling as hurt as Payton is.  It seems like a whole lot of hurt has come from some kind of misunderstanding that we can't seem to get past.

We're going to Hill City for the graduation.  We can't afford not to.  I just hope we can all get past the hurts and celebrate Ashlynn's day.  Then, I hope we can sit down and work some things out.  I know how much we all love each other, but nobody seems to feel that right now.

Dear God,

Please help us all to let our defenses down enough to love each other.  Let us look to help the person who we have hurt, rather than defend our shortcomings.  Let that love that has always kept us tight bring us back together.

Love, Eeka