In general, it was a great day. Heather picked me up for our walking group this morning. We had a good walk that got me sweating even though it was only thirty-some degrees. Livi was up shortly after I got home and we woke Dan up at 11. We had Papa Murphy's for lunch and watched a couple episodes of House.
We took a break and headed for the Merc. It was crazy busy and Olivia was pushing her teeny cart and swinging it around and playing and being three. And I had no patience at all. If I said something once and I had to repeat myself, I was snappy. Nothing like last Friday with Payton, but very low tolerance for anything.
I've been short tempered with Livi all afternoon and evening. I was kind of hungry for a snack this afternoon but I wanted a Snickers, so I had a cup of Tazo Organic Chai
instead. I thought it would be a good substitute. With a little Splenda, it was a little sweet. Water can fulfill a need and you can realize that maybe you're not really hungry. I thought I covered my bases. Now, at the end of the day, I came to a realization. Last Friday, when I had a meltdown and ended up screaming at Payton, I was hungry. I hadn't had a snack that afternoon and we were late having supper. My mood had started slipping around two or three. On Monday, my mood started sliding into tears around the time Dan went to work at 3pm. Today, I was fine until we headed to the Merc around 2 or 2:30. I think I'm having some kind of afternoon mood crash. Dan's thinking that maybe it's a sugar low that is throwing my mood off somehow. Starting with today, I will be religious about logging my food and my moods at the end of the day. That way, I've got something I can use to track what's going on. If a lack of a snack has a correlation to my mood swings, I'll be more careful about snacking. If food is irrelevant, I need to figure out another reason that two to four pm is such a bad time. It's like I'm balancing on a high wire. On one side is rage and the other is sobbing. As long as I'm on the high wire, I'm above all of that and life is good. Everything is great and I'm happy. I'm able to enjoy my family and friends and the great things in my life. But if I slip . . . it's just a fall. I can't get back up on the wire until I sleep for the night and reset. So, there are two things I need to figure out. First, why am I struggling in the afternoon and how can I avoid it? Second, if I can't avoid it and I fall from my precarious position, is there any sort of lifeline that can help bring me back without having to spend the next 10 hours putting everyone I love through the wringer?
As of right now, I'll just track what I eat at what meals, but if that is not good enough, next week, I'll start tracking food by time rather than meal. Also today, I picked up some 5HTP. It was a suggestion from the wellness coach with Women to Women. I took one 50 mg tablet with supper. I will take two a day, at breakfast and supper, for now. Next Friday, I'll adjust it if I still don't see a change. Something has got to help.
Monday I will check with SRS for options to receive medical and psychological assistance.
Calories: 1882
Mood: Good sliding to snippy in the pm
Sleep: 6 hours
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