Day 181: Don't Worry, Be Happy!

"In every life we're gonna have some trouble,
When we worry we make it double.
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now."
-  Bobby McFerrin

This is so true.  And so simple.  Yet so hard to do.

I keep running into this theme this week and especially this morning.  If God were any less subtle that He wants me to think and write on this topic today, I think it would be stamped on my forehead.  Backwards, of course, so I could read it in the mirror.  :)

When I think of stress and I think of all the people I know, I can't think that there is even one who doesn't deal with a lot, coming from many different fronts.  Almost all of those people worry.  I never used to believe it when I saw a person who seemed not to worry.  I figured that they were A. Hiding it well or B.  They have no idea what's going on or C.  They broke into their stash of medicinal marijuana.

I have found that lately, I have been able to stop worrying.  Not entirely, I am not THAT good.  Yet!  But there are certainly some things that I have been able to pray about and turn over to God.  And not forget, but not stress over either.

My sister, Jesi, is one of those things.  It's been over two months now since anyone in my family has heard from her.  No text, no facebook updates, no email, no phone calls, not even snail mail.  We have tried text, facebook, email, phone calls and yes, I actually sent some snail mail.  We just get nothing.  The man she moved to Florida with, the man who sired her children, has abused her in the past.  She has only told me of the physical aspects once, but I can't believe there has not been more.  She has told me that things are getting better, but we all know there is a reason it's called the "cycle of abuse."  And nobody's hopping on the back of a Harley here, are we?  It doesn't move forward, it keeps coming back.  This has been so heavy on my heart for a while now.  I have thought of her, I have prayed for her and I have worried.  The most frustrating part is that there is nothing I can DO.  I can't go down to Florida, hope she's still where she used to be and drag her back to Kansas.  I can't show her a magical mirror that will break through the brain washing, the denial and the self recriminations to show her the true picture of both the situation and of herself.  I can't hug her or her adorable babies.  I can't even tell her that I love her, that she is beautiful and that I miss her.  That we ALL miss her.

My personal path is not taking me where I thought it would.  I thought this blog was going to be all about the physical challenges of PCOS and my emotional struggles.  I never dreamed that it would become a spiritual journey or that God could lift my depression.  I have come to realize that there is one thing that I can do for Jesi that I have not yet done.  I can turn my worries for her over to God.  Sure, I prayed.  But I had not trusted God to take care of Jesi.  And duh!  Doesn't He love her as much as I do--and then some?? Does He really need my reminder to keep an eye on her?  Hmmm . . . maybe not so much, huh?  Once I realized that God is already taking care of her, my prayer changed.

I still love her and think of her every day, but I don't worry about her anymore.  I know that whatever she is dealing with right now, He will carry her.  I hope He carries her to where I want her to be, but I know that His plan for her is far better than whatever I had in mind.  So I will trust Him.  Some days are easier than others, but every time I read my prayer for Jesi, it eases my heart.  I know that she is not alone, even if she believes it to be true.  I know that I have done the best thing I can do for her.

My Prayer for Jesi