RESTART: Day One

OK.  Here I am back again. I am rethinking my plan.  My life has been fairly well rearranged since I was posting last.  I may not post every day.  If I miss a day, I am not going back to fill it in because I'll never keep up with new days.  This should allow me to keep up without feeling overwhelmed.  There are too many things in my life that make me feel overwhelmed and a lot of them are things that I really need to tackle. 

So, today, Dan is going to play games with Rojo, et al.  I am not sure what Livi and I are going to do today.  Dan doesn't know how long he'll be in Topeka and I figure we'd better keep the car, so I'll drop him off.  We'll probably hit Sam's club and maybe a park.  I'll have to decide who all we want to call for a visit.  Sharan might enjoy a trip to Sam's and Jessy's crew may enjoy a trip to the park.  Nicole's in Topeka too, but I have no idea how she enjoys spending a Saturday. 

Last night, Dan played Magic in Lenexa at a place that is new to him.  I think he's been there before at an old location.  I could tell from the way he talked after it was over that he'd had a really good time.  He has been missing people.  He loves to go play with a group who quickly respects him for his strategies and thinking.  What's not to love, right?  Dan finding a good gaming group is almost like me finding a good church family.  I will try the North Lawrence church soon.  Emily said that she used to go there.  I AM going to go.  I don't know if I will go tomorrow though, because I want to take Livi to the Maple Leaf Festival.  I'll have to see if I can finagle both.

Sharan was out of town and Jessy never returned my call but Livi and I had a good day by ourselves.  Ash called to say she won her volleyball tournament and got a medal.  Dan was bored silly at his game today and is hoping for better things next Saturday. 

While Livi was playing at the park today, I was reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."by Stephen R. Covey.  I took some notes and underlined a few things.  I finished the overview today.  He said to read as if I'm going to be teaching someone else, and I'm trying to think that way.  I really want to teach my kids.  A key point in what I read today is that we have to balance products(P) with production capability(PC).  He used the story of the goose that laid the golden egg as an example.  The golden egg is the product and the goose is the asset that produces the product, or the PC.  It's also kind of short term versus long term. The guy in the story was so impatient for more eggs, P, that he killed the goose, PC, in order to get all of the eggs out.  He killed his PC and therefore also killed his P.  He said that if we want the product of a clean bedroom, we have to produce that capacity in our child.  We have to help them to be motivated to clean their room.  In the end, the room will get cleaned, but if we can't show them a value to do it on their own, it will always be a fight.  I haven't even started reading about the first habit and I'm already rethinking my relationships.

Another point that Mr. Covey makes is that we are not our feelings and our habits because we have the ability, through hard work, to change our perspectives and our habits.  I have an idea of an inner core, or soul that is solid and firm and beautiful.  It's harder to change than titanium.  It is you.  It is me.  It is that beauty that we know we have.  It is that part of us which we truly love and the part of us that is capable of truly loving others.  It is our essence, our soul.  It is pure and sacred.  As we start to grow, we try to change this core for all of the wrong reasons.  We try to change for our friends, our job, our kids, our family, the mirror, the media, whatever.  We cover our innate beauty with layers of plaster and play-dough.  We add ribbons and bows to make a pretty package and layer by layer, we lose sight of our own true beauty.  I have visions of three projects, a photograph, a sculpture and a painting.  I have to figure out which will be the best way to represent my idea or if I should try all three.  It's a major concept.  I'm not sure I remember what's underneath all of the trash of my life anymore.  Underneath all of that, I am a strong and beautiful woman.  I am capable of great things.  But I have weighed myself down with years of disappointments and struggles.  Instead of letting things go, I keep piling them on.  If I just add a little more play-dough here, that will smooth out this rough edge.  I think it's time to begin my unveiling.