Day Twenty-six 08-15-2010

I tried a new church today.  The crazy thing is that I didn't realize how much I had missed church.  When I was on my way to church, I was really nervous.  In a way that seems silly, because who should be more accepting than anyone else?  But that doesn't mean I would feel comfortable or fit in.  I almost cried on the drive because of how scary it felt to me.  When Payton was little, the tendonitis in my right wrist flared up really badly.  It hurt so much that it made me sick to my stomach some days.  I had been told that it would get progressively worse until I had to have surgery.  Then it would be better for a while and eventually I would have to go back for surgery.  Again.  And again.  And again.  When my sister went to her chiropractor and he fixed her wrist that she had injured at work, she told me I needed to go.  I was so afraid to go.  I knew that there was no hope of my wrist getting better, until I saw what he had done for Shay.  You would think that I would have jumped at the chance to have my wrist fixed, but I was afraid to hope.  I felt like if I didn't go, there was still hope that it could be fixed.  But if I went and I hoped and he couldn't help me, I would be more crushed because I would truly know that there was no hope other than repeated surgery for temporary relief.  I would know that in the future, I might not be able to hold my son or paint another picture.  I was petrified.  I did not know what to do.

Dan, being the wonderful and supportive husband that he is, really understood where I was coming from and was able to help me get past my fears and head to the chiropractor.  I've never had a surgery on my wrist and I rarely suffer from pain.  My life would have been so much harder if I had not gone and I was making it harder on myself by not going.  That's how I have felt about trying out a new church.  I need to feel that sense of community.  Dan and I have lost most of our friends through the job that we have.  We have become isolated.  It's so hard to reach out again.  I need the community.  I need the music.  I need a place besides home that I feel like I belong.  I guess I didn't really understand what I was really missing or how much I was missing it.  It's crazy that I let my fear keep me from even trying a new church. 

Once I was in there, I was very glad I went.  The service was pleasant, the sermon was relevant and they gave me a really nice coffee mug.  They have a lot of activities for all the age ranges within our family.  But . . .  I don't know.  It was nice, but I don't know if it's home.  The important thing is that I tried it.  It was all right, and maybe over time I would like it better.  Next week, I will try another church and see how it feels.  It still seems scary.  And being scared of going to church seems pretty silly.  :)  I'm sure next week will be easier.  And each week after that until I find a church that feels like home. 

After church, we went to the Legends and had lunch at Outback.  It was a nice yummy, welcome home dinner for Payton.  Then we hit Books-A-Million for a while.  Dan and Payton went to see Step Up 3D and Livi played at the bookstore while I read my new book.  There were a bunch of other kids her age and Livi had a blast.  She still wasn't ready to leave two hours later, but she finally agreed.  Then, while Livi played in the fountain, a little kid asked me if I lost my wallet.  I hadn't, but the one he pointed out was all alone.  I took it into the theater but they said I would need to take it to Legends security.  I finally found a security guy and gave him the wallet, but I felt bad.  I worry that it won't get back to the poor girl.  It's a high school girl and her phone was dead so I couldn't call any of her friends.  I hope she got it back.  If it wasn't after six on a Sunday, I would have just gone to a T-Mobile to have them charge her phone.  *sigh*  It stinks when doing what should be the right thing to do still doesn't really feel right. We had dinner at Hardee's and headed home.  Payton packed his backpack for school tomorrow while Livi passed out on the couch.  It was a pretty darned good day.