Chicken

Yep, I'm a big chicken. I haven't posted anything lately because I didn't want to share with everyone that we have done terribly. July was a bad month for both our dieting and going to the gym.  We fell off the wagon pretty hard and now Dan and I both have to quit drinking soda again.  *sigh* I finally decided to share, because everybody else struggles, too.  Right?

But, on to better things.  We started back at the gym last week and we're eating at home, if not exactly what is best for us. We will be stricter on the diet once we are working again and there is some income coming in.

I have been in a remission, of sorts, from my depression this past week.  I don't know what happened, but the anxiety has quieted and I'm happy. I'll take it, but it worries me. I'm trying to enjoy the good and take advantage of the benefits of extra energy and motivation without worrying too much about how bad it will suck when this cycle is over again.

I have been wanting to paint. I haven't painted in years and for a creative person, that's just dumb. I haven't been writing, either. I even bought paint and I have a couple tiny canvas boards I can work on but I haven't started yet. This is proof that the anxiety is still present and I'm still being a chicken. I'm afraid to start a project for fear of messing it up. How can I mess up what I haven't started, you ask? Good question. I don't know but that's where my head is. I have lots of excuses to not paint, but no real reason. I'll let you know when I get something started. I'm hoping for tomorrow. Tonight we have the gym and I'm thinking up ideas but tomorrow is open.

I did, however, design myself some new stationery since my sis started a snail mail campaign. I've been writing her and I'm going to write my big sister too. Not sure if my other sis or the sis-in-law want in or not, but if anyone reading this wants in on it, let me know and I'll put you on my list. It felt nice to design something even if it wasn't a major project. Just one of those things I need to be doing to take care of me that I have not been doing.

Also on the topic of taking care of me, I'm going to a Red Tent meeting this week. Not sure what that will be like, but it sounds refreshing and empowering. I'll share more next week once I know how it goes. The same time my remission hit, several people contacted me for social stuff and it's been so good for me to be around friends again. I get to be a hermit when things are hard so I don't have to drag other people down. I'm doing better now. Here's praying that it lasts! And here's to establishing some good patterns in my up mood that will help carry me through when the rough is back.  :)