Day Thirty-five 08-24-2010

Today, everything has finally started getting to me.  I don't know if it's because I quit taking my vitamin D when my new supplement program came in or if it's just a result of all of the changes that we are dealing with right now.  I took some vitamin D tonight, just in case.  I'm thinking I should call the Women to Women help line tomorrow about that.  And do a little research on vitamin D.  I was wondering if it would be good to use the vitamin D as a pick me up on a rough day like today. 

I had a little bit of a melt down tonight.  I know that sounds like I'm trying to candy coat things, but seriously, compared to what a melt down used to consist of, tonight was nothing.  I'm just really tired.  I'm still not getting enough sleep and I don't know when that will change.  I am getting up with Payton and I'm still up past 11.  And once Dan is working 3p-11p shifts, I'll have to bring him to work and pick him up.  I'm going to have to find a way to make it all balance before I crash.  Maybe I can take naps in the afternoon.  hmm . . .  It's a thought.  

I really did accomplish a lot today.  We have a bunch of boxes packed up now and we'll be picking up the keys and signing our lease on Thursday.  I've got orders in to start our gas service (complete with a gas stove!) and have the electric switched to our names.  I made chicken fried steaks for dinner and I had coleslaw while Dan and Livi had mashed potatoes.  Payton didn't like the potatoes.  Funny, he's eaten turkey/veggie meatballs in spaghetti, turkey/veggie meatloaf and then he turned down mashed potatoes.  Oh, and I turned in finance stuff and my work comp doctor's note.  There is still plenty left on my to-do list for tomorrow, but overall, I've been making steady progress.

I did not, however, do anything related to my PartyLite business today. Well, wait, I did set up a skype account so I can do a virtual meeting tomorrow.  But I didn't make any phone calls.  It's hard to balance everything in right now.  Right now though, the primary goal is to get through the move and go from there and make lots of business building calls tomorrow!

Dan and I were going to pack more tonight, but I think my spirit is telling me that it's weak tonight.  I'm going to head to bed to read a bit and then sleep.  Tomorrow is another big day.  :)

Day Thirty-four 08-23-2010

I'm tired.  It's been a long and pretty productive day.  I made eight PartyLite connections today.  I have one show that's working on guests and we'll set a date tomorrow.  I also have two people to call back tomorrow or Wednesday for dates.  Business is looking up.  And now that I have the time I need to support my hostesses, my shows will be more fun and more profitable!  And booking will be easier!  I have two new strategies that I want to implement.  One is Business-In-A-Box.  It's an organizational concept that should help me keep EVERYTHING more in line, not just my business.  Then there is sponsoring-in-a-box.  It's a fun, interactive way to talk about the PartyLite opportunity at shows.  I'm starting to feel the momentum building.  :)

I went to Prompt Care today to have my hip looked at. I hurt it on the 12th.  I fell at work because the night staff person sprayed Pledge on the vinyl flooring because it looked like wood.  How crazy is that?  The weird thing is, Dan knows exactly how I feel.  Back when he broke his leg in two places, it was because he walked down wooden stairs that had been Pledged to make them look shiny and nice.  It works.  But it makes things VERY slippery.  So, anyway, they did x-rays and said my hip is fine, but I have to go back on the 1st.  I'm supposed to use moist heat and anti-inflammatory medicine, like Tylenol or Advil.  What I'm wondering is if I really need to take any additional anti-inflammatory stuff if I'm already taking magnesium?  My health program includes magnesium specifically for its anti-inflammatory properties and I'm taking 584 mg or 146% of the recommended daily allowance.  And if magnesium reduces swelling, and inflammation is what is causing the pain, how much more pain would I be in without the magnesium?  I really wish I had a good doctor again.  I miss Dr. Belt, but I can't afford to go to the other doctor she recommended.  Maybe if I can find a good chiropractor in the area, that would help with a lot of it.  I'm sure my hip would be in better shape.

I started packing the kitchen and continued to work on my desk.  I picked up some Sparboe Farms (salmonilla free!) egg boxes at HyVee.  They are just the right size for packing and moving.  We have about 25 so far and we should get about that many again on Wednesday.  Tomorrow, I want to clean out the hall closets and the cabinet under the bathroom sink.  Then, it's into the scary garage.  Wish me luck!  :)

Once again, my calories are fairly low, but my cholesterol was really high and my sugars were a little high.  Oh, I found my tape measure so Dan can help me with my measurements again.  Surely this time we will see some kind of changes.  I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Day Thirty-three 08-22-2010

What did I do today?  I did not go to church.  I read some and I made some PartyLite calls.  We had a nice lunch and did some grocery shopping.  I cooked up some turkey/veggie meatballs, some turkey/veggie meatloaves and some turkey/veggie burger stuff.  I have six ziploc baggies of meat ready for use in anything I can use hamburger in.  Payton has eaten veggies two days in a row.  Thanks again, Cyndie!  I sorted through a lot of paperwork, separating stuff from my old job from my Partylite and our personal stuff. 

Today was kind of hard in a way I hadn't really expected.  I mean, I thought I would have a lot more trouble with the whole concept of not having a job.  I figured I'd be all stressed about money by now.  I can feel that building, but I'm not doing too bad yet.  What is bugging me is hearing my guys in the kitchen at meal time.  I hear them and I wonder how they are doing next door.  I think about my guys and then I realize that they aren't really MY guys anymore.  And it's easy enough to go over and say hi for now . . . but next week we'll be moving and the week after that, Dan will work in the evenings while the kids and I are at home.  Across town.  Dan's only going to see Payton on weekends he sees Ash, unless we can come over and hang out a little in the evenings, but with Payton's homework, I don't know how much we can do that.  I know I won't see Dan quite as much, but I also know that the quality of our time will be so much better.  I will miss our guys and I will miss Sharan as I won't see her as much either.  But we are going for quality time now.  Dan will be working fewer hours for more money and we can work towards better things.  There's no way to get around how much I will miss the guys.  But I have to look after my family first.

Day Thirty-two 08-21-2010

We headed to Salina to take candles to my niece, Tereya, that people had ordered from her PartyLite party.  It turned out that she and her little guy, not quite a year old yet, were at the hospital.  Camryn had a bad cough and his oxygen level was low, so they decided to keep him over night.  T and I talked and she may be starting her own PartyLite business.  She has been thinking of starting a home business so she could stay home with Cam full time and she ended up quitting her part time job because she wasn't even getting 20 hours a week.  By the time we left, T had relaxed a bit.  I also dropped off the orders from her show.  After we got home, I called and talked to her fiance, Dameon.  He told me that Cam's oxygen was up and he was feeling better.  Still staying overnight just to be on the safe side. 

I'm keeping my calories down a lot better and I don't even want to eat as much at a meal as I used to.  But I still need to balance the types of things I am eating better.  But it's still progress. 

I can't get my food log to upload tonight.  I had 1973 calories.  Fat, sodium and cholesterol were all just a tiny bit out of what livestrong.com recommends.  Hopefully I'll be able to upload it later.  :)

Day Thirty-One 08-20-2010

Livi was still sick this morning.  Dan was up with her until after 3am.  Then I was up with her again at 4:30.  After that, she slept until eight thirty, so I was hoping she was good.  Not yet though, poor thing.  She felt warm, but not fevery, but I gave her a children's tylenol anyway.  Dan and I had a ton of things to do today, so she stayed here and our friend, Sharan, kept an eye on her so we could take care of things.  First, we hit HyVee and bought some Pedialite to make sure she was hydrated. 

Next stop, we headed for the office to talk to HR.  We asked our questions and left.  Molly didn't know the answers so she had to call someone else and call us back.  We let them know that Dan will continue to work as a teacher and I will not.  Dan will work his schedule next week, and then take a week of paid time for the week that we can get moved into the trailer.  I am not getting paid for my 99.75 hours of time.  Because the terminated our position.  It's this odd hybrid of fired and quit so that they get the best of both worlds and I can't help but thinking that it's just not quite legal.  Now to decide whether it's worth following up on that.  I mean, at minimum wage, that's over $700.  But how much would a lawyer cost?  And I suppose I would have to pay first and then get whatever.  Probably not worth the trouble, but I might check into it anyway.

When Molly called back, they said that Dan will have to work the 3pm-11pm schedule when he comes back from PTO even though he asked for 7am-3pm.  So he'll be at work when Payton's in school and I'll be a single mom during the week.  He'll see Payton and Ashlynn both only every other weekend.  That really pisses me off, but they have already shown that they are not concerned about our family so I am not really surprised.  Just annoyed.  I can't wait until Dan can find another job and quit this one.  He didn't get into the dealer school this time because the said he didn't have enough customer service experience.  That's almost all he's ever done, so we need to figure out how to rework his resume.

We got Dan's new driver's license today and then we picked up Payton and headed for the ARC to view the homes available and pay our deposit.  Dolora showed us the one we had applied for and another trailer that was available.  The second one is $30 more a month, but a whole lot nicer.  The one we applied for still smelled like dog and they were going to be cleaning it next week.  The one we picked just got new carpet.  She said that she'll start them cleaning it up on Monday and we should be able to sign papers and pick up the keys on Thursday or Friday.  That will give us just under a week to get all of our boxes and things moved.  I plan to be packed and ready to go by then so we can rent a truck and make quick work of it.  One friend offered to watch Livi if we need her to. 

I called the parents of the guys we have been working with.  Both were concerned for us and let us know to call if we need anything.  One asked if we had to move right away and if we had a place to go and told me that if I had to get a new phone number to make sure to call him and keep in touch.  I almost feel like I'm losing kids.  *sigh*  It's so hard when your home, your heart and your livelihood are all tied up into a job that is taken away. 

We have some furniture we have to get rid of.  I might have to get rid of my desk.  :(  It won't do well in storage.  We have Dan's grandma's bed and couch that we can't keep anymore.  You know, Dan should probably call his momma and update her.  I have to start updating our address everywhere . . . I need lists!  I am lost without lists!  This is gonna be some ride!

This is going to be so much better for our family.  I'll be able to focus on my PartyLite and my kids and keeping up with the house.  Dan and I will both have more free time and we can start scheduling exercise.  It's just going to be yucky while Dan is working 3-11s and only seeing Payton on weekends.  I really expected to be more worried, but I'm kind of excited about a new adventure even while I'm frustrated at how we have been used and abused.

I had a donut for a snack today.  Not a great choice and I had a little too much at supper.  Tomorrow I will go grocery shopping.

Day Thirty 08-19-2010

Livi was up sick last night and she was sick again this morning.  She was good until lunch time and then sick again in the afternoon.  We had  couple good hours before bedtime, but then she got sick again at ten.  Once that passed, she crashed.   Poor thing.  :(  Hope she sleeps through the night.

Our application was approved today for a trailer.  We won't be in the park we expected to be in, but the rent is pretty good.  We checked out the place from the outside today and it looks nice enough.  And I'm pretty sure that we're only a couple lots down and across the street from an old friend.  We get the keys on the 30th.  I was hoping to be able to move in over a couple of months and once housing was no longer an issue, reevaluate our employment situation.

I called the company that oversees our company about the complaints I have made to HR and about HR that have been ignored.  A hostile work environment and sexual harassment should not be ignored.  It has been over a month now since I lodged my complaints and nothing has been done.  Unless you count the ridiculous write-ups that Dan and I received last week.  I had been considering this for a week now since someone suggested the move and provided me with the phone number of the director.  I finally decided today that it needs to be done.  If this ruins my opportunity to work with a company that would treat me this way, well, I don't really want to work for people like that anyway.

About ten minutes after that call, Dan and I were summoned by HR for a meeting. It was 11:30 and the meeting was scheduled for 1:30.  Our day staff agreed to keep an eye on Livi, too.  Jokingly, I asked Dan if he was ready to get fired today and he said, "Yeah, I think I am."  As it turned out, we that was a good thing.  We haven't been fired, exactly.  They terminated our position as a couple.  We are both welcome to take positions as teachers because they don't want to lose Dan and if I want to quit, that's ok too.  They pretty much made it clear that I'm the one they want to get rid of.  Dan felt that too.  So, tomorrow, we have to go back and talk to HR and ask a few questions and finalize our decision.  She asked us then what we wanted to do and I said, "We want to go home and discuss this and we'll let you know tomorrow."  And, since they offered us other positions, if we don't stick around, we have quit, they did not fire us.  No unemployment that way for them to pay.  Nifty trick, really.  The crazy thing is, the best reason they could give us for terminating our position was that our house was not clean enough.  Not the clients' home, ours.  I asked on Monday, when someone was sent to invade our privacy and take pictures, what the major issue was because we were really not sure.  She said that there are too many things cluttering up the kitchen counter and that my desk was too messy.  That was the best they could give us.  I'm guessing they were really not happy about my complaints last month.

After a lot of talking, we are pretty sure we know how we want to proceed from here, but we have a few questions for HR before we give them our final decision.  I can't help thinking that this is really great opportunity for us, in the long run.  Right now, things could be a little tight, but we've been through worse.  This will allow me to work my PartyLite full time and I'll be able to set up a schedule for exercise and riding my bike.  The only problem I foresee is how to make things work if Dan gets to do the dealer training that he applied for.  With one car, our gas consumption is going to increase dramatically.  I'll have to drive him over and come home so I can take Payton to school and then drive back over to pick him up.  Thank goodness I'll be able to take a nap later in the day!

I started my nutrition program today.  I need to get snack stuff.  I'm supposed to be eating two snacks a day and I usually don't eat any.  Today is payday, so snacks are officially on my shopping list.  :)

Day Twenty-nine 08-18-2010

So, today was a good day and a not so good day.  I turned in a report, updated some online data, and made five more PartyLite connections.  I also passed out for a two hour nap this afternoon because Livi has been waking me up every night since Ashlynn went back to her mom's.  Dan has not heard back from dealer school, I have not heard back on the living arrangements we are looking into and three people that I had appointments to call didn't answer the phone when I called them.  I also had to deal with my supervisor who I have been avoiding to maintain lower stress levels and learned new ways that he has been running me down to the people who support our home.  My chest hurts and I know that I am going to be sick if I can't find a way to get adjusted to this new schedule.  And getting sick doesn't even help in that I'll get time off.  I'll still be doing the same job and Dan will have to pick up any slack so then it will just be his turn to get sick next.  I'm really hoping that tomorrow all of these things start falling together so we can start the ball rolling on the necessary changes.

I got my new supplements and wellness program from Women to Women today.  My program is a 3 month program for severe symptoms.  I took the first batch of supplements with supper and will take the next back with breakfast.  I already have a couple of questions that I will call the free support people with tomorrow.  I am pretty excited about free support just a phone call away.  I know how much that has helped me in my PartyLite business so I can only think it will be the same for my health! 

After looking back at my meals, I just got more cholesterol in one breakfast than I should have had in the entire day.  Time to kick the bacon habit.  It's not outlawed in my new wellness program though, so we'll see how things turn out when I get things rolling on this.  I'm excited about all of the changes right now but a little frustrated that some things are not moving along more quickly.  I guess that's just human nature.  :)

And here's my food log from www.livestrong.com.  I am so glad Cyndie showed it to me.  I'm trying to get Dan to set up an account too so that he can see what he's really eating.  Maybe if he can see the numbers and the recommendations that will help him want to eat better.  :)

What are some things that you are doing to eat healthier?

Day Twenty-eight 08-17-2010

Today was my anniversary.  19 years ago today, I wrecked my car.  I broke six vertebrae, my right arm and my left wrist.  I dislocated my left shoulder and had a concussion.  I bruised my heart, lungs, kidneys and liver.  Probably my spleen, too.  :)  I used to have a BBQ or party every year.  Once we started with CLO, that kind of thing has ended.  We've given up so much just a little at a time.  You don't really notice the slide until you're so deep in a pit that you don't know how to get out. 

In honor of my anniversary, I'm not looking down to see the dirt under my feet.  I'm not looking around me to see the walls that confine me.  I'm looking up to see a way out.  It's a good feeling.  :)

My overall caloric intake is all right, but obviously I'm not making the best choices to have such a high fat intake.  I will definitely have to work on that!  :)

Day Twenty-seven 08-16-2010

Things are a little scary right now. Working towards so many changes at one time can be a little overwhelming.  From a work standpoint, I feel like I'm in the cross-hairs, but I don't really understand why.  I've taken my concerns to HR, to no avail.  Tomorrow should have a few answers for us to help determine which way we need to go.  I think the key is that we GO in a direction instead of remaining in our rut.

My nutritional program and my new supplements should be here on Wednesday.  I need to work out some sort of schedule that will allow me a work out.  This new work schedule is completely draining me and I've still got so many things left on my to-do list for today.

I feel like I'm on the edge of the Grand Canyon and getting ready to jump over.  Thank God, Dan's right there with me.  I'm just so scared of dragging him or our kids down as I'm struggling through all of my challenges.

Day Twenty-six 08-15-2010

I tried a new church today.  The crazy thing is that I didn't realize how much I had missed church.  When I was on my way to church, I was really nervous.  In a way that seems silly, because who should be more accepting than anyone else?  But that doesn't mean I would feel comfortable or fit in.  I almost cried on the drive because of how scary it felt to me.  When Payton was little, the tendonitis in my right wrist flared up really badly.  It hurt so much that it made me sick to my stomach some days.  I had been told that it would get progressively worse until I had to have surgery.  Then it would be better for a while and eventually I would have to go back for surgery.  Again.  And again.  And again.  When my sister went to her chiropractor and he fixed her wrist that she had injured at work, she told me I needed to go.  I was so afraid to go.  I knew that there was no hope of my wrist getting better, until I saw what he had done for Shay.  You would think that I would have jumped at the chance to have my wrist fixed, but I was afraid to hope.  I felt like if I didn't go, there was still hope that it could be fixed.  But if I went and I hoped and he couldn't help me, I would be more crushed because I would truly know that there was no hope other than repeated surgery for temporary relief.  I would know that in the future, I might not be able to hold my son or paint another picture.  I was petrified.  I did not know what to do.

Dan, being the wonderful and supportive husband that he is, really understood where I was coming from and was able to help me get past my fears and head to the chiropractor.  I've never had a surgery on my wrist and I rarely suffer from pain.  My life would have been so much harder if I had not gone and I was making it harder on myself by not going.  That's how I have felt about trying out a new church.  I need to feel that sense of community.  Dan and I have lost most of our friends through the job that we have.  We have become isolated.  It's so hard to reach out again.  I need the community.  I need the music.  I need a place besides home that I feel like I belong.  I guess I didn't really understand what I was really missing or how much I was missing it.  It's crazy that I let my fear keep me from even trying a new church. 

Once I was in there, I was very glad I went.  The service was pleasant, the sermon was relevant and they gave me a really nice coffee mug.  They have a lot of activities for all the age ranges within our family.  But . . .  I don't know.  It was nice, but I don't know if it's home.  The important thing is that I tried it.  It was all right, and maybe over time I would like it better.  Next week, I will try another church and see how it feels.  It still seems scary.  And being scared of going to church seems pretty silly.  :)  I'm sure next week will be easier.  And each week after that until I find a church that feels like home. 

After church, we went to the Legends and had lunch at Outback.  It was a nice yummy, welcome home dinner for Payton.  Then we hit Books-A-Million for a while.  Dan and Payton went to see Step Up 3D and Livi played at the bookstore while I read my new book.  There were a bunch of other kids her age and Livi had a blast.  She still wasn't ready to leave two hours later, but she finally agreed.  Then, while Livi played in the fountain, a little kid asked me if I lost my wallet.  I hadn't, but the one he pointed out was all alone.  I took it into the theater but they said I would need to take it to Legends security.  I finally found a security guy and gave him the wallet, but I felt bad.  I worry that it won't get back to the poor girl.  It's a high school girl and her phone was dead so I couldn't call any of her friends.  I hope she got it back.  If it wasn't after six on a Sunday, I would have just gone to a T-Mobile to have them charge her phone.  *sigh*  It stinks when doing what should be the right thing to do still doesn't really feel right. We had dinner at Hardee's and headed home.  Payton packed his backpack for school tomorrow while Livi passed out on the couch.  It was a pretty darned good day.

Day Twenty-five 08-14-2010

It was a really long day today.  We got up early and worked on the house.  The kitchen looks great and the living room does too, except for my desk and Payton's desk.  Those are more than just one day jobs, I am thinking.  We put together the new vacuum and the steamer and they were both great.  I baked a peach blackberry TSG Summer Fruit Crisp, an apple TSG Summer Fruit Crisp and a dozen Inside Out Carrot Cupcakes.  I also made a batch of Over-the-Edge Herbed Spinach Dip with low fat sour cream, and one batch with Tofutti Sour Cream.  Dan and I both liked the non-dairy version better.  I think I'm going to try adding the TSG Outrageously Garlic seasoning and heating it up a little because garlic is my favorite part of spin dip!  :) 

I set up a beautiful display exhibiting PartyLite's new fall and holiday products.  It was lovely and my house smelled fabulous.  Dan and Livi and I enjoyed it all.  Unfortunately, with all of my spare time being consumed this past week with our work upheaval, I wasn't able to call very many of the people I wanted to call.  And then when I did call, it was at the end of the week instead of the beginning like I wanted it to be.  Very frustrating.  I was talking to another lady who works the same position that we work and she wondered who we made angry.  I feel very much that this is retaliation for making complaints about people who are higher up within the company.  Now I just have to decide how to proceed.

I have decided to try out a new church tomorrow.  I have missed it.  Funny that I don't miss the religion part of it.  I am dieing for some good choir work and the sense of community.  I am hoping that I can find some of it at Eastlake.  We'll see.  Services are at 9:30 and again at 11.  I am hoping to go for a bike ride in the morning and then go to church.  It's about 5.5 miles, so I could make it there, but I would be so yucky and stinky that I wouldn't be comfortable.  Also, it may very well be raining in the morning, so with no lights . . .  no ride.

I am feeling very frustrated right now.  On so many levels.  I feel like right now, everything in my life is going the wrong direction and it is time for a huge change.  Change is good, but change is scary.  I know that I cannot continue in the direction that I have been going.  

The good news is, Payton came home tonight. :)  It's been two weeks and I really missed him.  He called almost every day, but he's only eleven and he's still my baby boy.  But now he's home with momma and things are a bit more settled in that sense.  :)


I know that today wasn't a great food choice day.  Or a good financial choice day.  I did remember to take all of my vitamins and that is saying something lately.  I am really loving this livestrong.com site and the My Plate option.  It's great to see what I am doing without all of the troubles of maintaining my own spreadsheet.  I'm tired, it is late.  I'm going to read a bit and go to sleep.

Day Twenty-four: Friday the 13th!

Our work schedule was changed on us. Of course, we were not provided with options.  It was pretty much change it or quit . . . hmmm . . .  So, I will probably not be able to ride my bike during the week until I can buy lights.  I will have to be out at 5:30 or 6am, or wait until after 7pm.  Payton will also be starting school on Monday and I'll have to see what that will do to my schedule also.  I am not very happy about this turn of events, but for now, I will give it a week and see where I can fit in my exercise.

I WAS excited to get an email that my new program designed by Women to Women has been shipped and should arrive by Wednesday.  This contains two supplement programs.  Essential Nutrients contains a multivitamin, a calcium/magnesium and an essential fatty acid.  It's very much equivalent to the multivitamin, magnesium and fish oil that I have already been taking.  The second part is the Herbal Equalibrium.  This contains many of the various herbs that I have been reading up on.  It works in three ways to balance the estrogen, progesterone and androgens.  This should help balance out my hormones and help alleviate ALL of my symptoms.  It also saves me a ton of time on more research and trial and error, I hope. :)  Wish me luck!

And finally, I am excited about my PartyLite Open House tomorrow!  I'm going to try out several recipes from Two Sisters Gourmet and set up a display to show off the new fall and holiday products.  I have seven maybes on facebook and I'll be touching base with each of them personally.  I'll put a reminder on my page for anyone who hasn't decided yet and I'm going to call some more people in the morning.  I am taking charge!

Food Log

Breakfast:  One egg over easy with two slices of bacon on a toasted hamburger bun.  1 cup of oatmeal.

Lunch:  Arby's Medium Roast Beef Sandwich with lettuce and tomato.  Red Grapes.

Dinner:  Fresh Mozzarella & grape tomatoes with Italian seasoning and olive oil.  Oven roasted skinless chicken breast and asperagus.  I also want to point out that Dan, Livi and our guys ate at the Chuck Burger in Topeka again tonight.  I, however, waiting until I was home and cooked up something healthy with the quicky appetizer to tide me over until dinner was cooked!  :)  GO ME!

Late Snack:  Leftover Jason's Deli Broccoli Cheese soup with grilled chicken

At www.livestrong.com you can set up a free account and use the My Plate tool to calculate your food intake.  It stores your daily, weekly and monthly foods.  I entered my breakfast as one egg, two slices bacon, hamburger bun and oatmeal.  For lunch, I listed an Arby's medium roast beef sandwich.  Overall, it's very easy to use.  It also has a calculator.  It suggested that to lose 2 pounds a week at my height and weight, I need to eat 2450 calories.  I know that this is not accurate for me based on the way PCOS has convinced my body to be more efficient at storing up calories for a rainy day.  There is a custom adjustment but you have to pay for an account to do that, so I did not.  If you are not dealing with any specific metabolic challenges such as PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc, the calorie suggestions should be fine.  I really just wanted to know a little more about the things I'm eating to see if they are as good as I think they are.  :)  I'm not doing too badly.  Oh, and don't let me forget to mention that once again, Dan's aunt Cyndie has hooked me up with this information.  So many people that she's helping with just a few emails!

Here is my info for the day.  The second line contains my suggested amounts.

                            Cals         Fat      Cholesterol     Sodium      Carbs      Sugars      Fiber      Protein
Actual Intake:      1766        95g       268 mg        3985 mg      145 g        42 g          27 g       121 g
Recommended:    2450        80g       368 mg        2940 mg      368 g        49 g          31 g         61 g


As you can see, my fat intake and my sodium intake are both a bit high.  It's easy enough to see that bacon, Arby's and even Jason's Broccoli Cheese created those issues.  I need to find some quick and easy late snacks.  Another note is that my protein intake is a lot higher and my carbs are very low.  These are both good numbers to me even though their standard tracker doesn't agree.  Again, for a fee, I could have adjusted that.  I may do that in the future, but for now, free is good.  :)  I just thought it was very handy to see exactly where I'm at and this was VERY easy.  It took me about ten minutes to set up the account and enter today's food.  www.livestrong.com was certainly worth my time. Check it out!

Day Twenty-three 08-12-2010

Well, today was definitely a step up from yesterday.  Or maybe even a flight or two up from yesterday.  :)  I sure didn't get enough sleep though.  Livi had trouble getting to sleep because she was missing Ash.  She also woke me up twice.  Hopefully she'll do better tonight.  She got to talk to Ash today and she's pretty resilient.  Unfortunately for me, I don't bounce back from those kinds of nights nearly as well.

Dan's aunt, Cyndie, has really been a godsend for me.  She's shared some great recipes that are making it easier to feel like I have eaten healthy and yummy.  It's so good to feel like I'm not stuck on salad with grilled chicken.  I know that this will continue to get better as I find more yummy and healthy recipes.  It's just a lot harder to find the kinds of recipes I am looking for than I realized.  There are so many different versions of healthy that what's healthy for you may not be healthy for me.  Another thing that Cyndie shared with me was a list of resources that she had found.  One of these resources was Women to Women.  It's a site that's geared towards assisting women through natural solutions.  It's exactly what I was looking for.  I started with a health profile.  They covered three aspects of hormonal health; severity of symptoms, the demands places upon my body, and the amount of support that I am giving myself.

According to my profile, my symptoms are severe, the demands that I place on my body are almost overwhelming and the support that I am giving myself is moderate.  While this is not a great combination, the idea is that it will take up to 90 days to see true change.  They have a regimen of supplements and support that will allow me to help myself both nutritionally and emotionally.  So far, I am very impressed with the site and I did order the program.  The supplements include all of the vitamins and supplements that I am already taking plus others.  I should receive my order in the next 5-10 days.  I am very excited about this and hope that it's great.  If it's not great, it showed me BEFORE I ORDERED how to get my money back for that 90 day program.  It's $75 a month for the first three months to get things back on track.  That's not much more than I'm already spending on supplements and much less than I was spending a month when I had a doctor in town.  They also have phone support for free and nurses available for a fee.  I can't recommend it yet, but you can always check it out for yourself!  :)  www.womentowomen.com

Dan helped me measure myself tonight.  I did this to compare to last night and I'll have Dan help me in the future in order to maintain consistency.  I wasn't as far off as I thought.  I took the 8/11 measures and Dan took the 8/12.

	8/11/2010	8/12/2010
Neck	15.25	15.5
Arm	17	17
Bust	50	47
Waist	46	45
Hips	50.5	51
Thigh	29	29

Food Log

Breakfast:  bowl of Honey Smacks with vanilla almond milk. 1 egg scrambled and a small portion of ham.

Lunch:  seared chicken breast and avocado salad.  I took one avocado and cubed it, chopped about ten grape tomatoes into halves or thirds, chopped half a slice of red onion, mixed it all up and drizzled it with balsamic glaze.  It was creamy and filling.  I felt satisfied when I was finished.

Dinner:  2 hard boiled eggs and Spicy cole slaw.  I used a bag of cole slaw mix, 1/4 cup mayo, 2 tablespoons cider vinegar, six packets of Splenda, a couple squirts of yellow mustard, some Real Salt, fresh ground pepper, celery seed and some cayenne pepper.  I didn't eat that much, that's the entire batch.  :)   I mixed everything but the bag of cabbage in a bowl with a whisk.  Then I used a spoon to mix in the cabbage.  Easy and yummy.

Snack:  I had 1/2 a serving of Chocolove Dark Chocolate with Almonds and Sea Salt.  It's super yummy and lactose free so Dan can get his chocolate fix.  I also had 10 raspberries with smooshed cashews.  I don't know if you can really call it cashew butter because it's literally cashews that are smashed.  Nothing else added.  It's a little dry.  I might add a splash of almond milk next time.  It was good, just dry.

I feel like I made good food choices today and I really enjoyed what I ate.  From a nutritional standpoint, this has been a ground breaking day!  Kudos to Cyndie!

Day Twenty-two 08-11-2010

I cannot begin to describe my day in a way that will in any way be helpful to another person.  It was one of the hardest days I can remember.  This was not because of my depression for a change, but because of circumstances that I am seeing more and more urgently that I need to change.  I hope that everyone who reads this has had a much better day than I have.

On top of the horribleness of my day, Ashlynn left at 3pm.  I am not sure yet when she's coming back to visit.  It could be a month before we see her again.  I'm so glad that today is over.

I took my measurements today.  They are too inconsistent to really be accurate, I am thinking.  I am going to have Dan measure me tomorrow and then I'll use those numbers and see if that helps.

	7/20/2010	8/3/2010	8/11/2010
Neck	15.25	15.25	15.25
Arm	18	18	17
Bust	48.5	48.5	50
Waist	44.5	44.5	46
Hips	52	50	50.5
Thigh	28.5	29.25	29

Food Log
 
Breakfast:  Fage 2% Greek Yogurt with raspberries, blackberries, strawberries and walnuts.

Lunch:  pork roast, roasted brussel sprouts, cole slaw

Dinner:  Three tacos and a peach

Day Twenty-One 08-10-2010

Today was a long day!  I started at 645am when our day staff called in and I got ready to help Dan for the morning.  No bike ride again today.  I am starting to feel like I haven't been riding at all.  I have to start all over.  But I will!  :) 

Ash is leaving tomorrow.  I'm not really ready for that yet.  We were going to take the kids to Step Up 3D but Ash leaves tomorrow and Payton comes home on Saturday.  So I took Ash today and Dan is going to take Payton this weekend.  We went to the Legends.  We walked down the yellow brick road and to the theater.  We bought our tickets and then headed to Cold Stone.  We each got a Coookie Doughn't You Want Some.  I got a Like it and Ash got a Love it.  Then we sat and watched the fountain until it was time to head to the movie. We loved the movie!  They used the 3D well, I thought.  I can't say much more until Dan and Payton go see it this weekend.  :)

As we left the theater after midnight on a Wednesay morning, there was no one at the Legends.  We walked hand in hand back to the yellow brick road and headed to our car.  We talked about our favorite parts of the movie all the way home.  It was a great girls night before Ash had to go back to her other family.  What a great end to my day. 

Food Log

Breakfast:  2 hard boiled eggs and an orange.

Lunch:  Taco burger & chicken quesadilla.
  
Dinner:  1/2 slice BBQ pizza, 1/2 slice chicken bacon ranch, 1/2 pound crab legs with clarified butter.

Snack:  Ice Cream

Day Twenty 08-09-2010

I set my alarm for 7:30 pm and I woke up around nine.  Too late for my bike ride today.  This is starting to get to me a bit.  I am tired and I need to sleep, but I've got to get rolling again.

I realized today that I haven't actually taken my vitamins for several days now.  Dan and I have been arguing more over dumb stuff and I've had more trouble motivating myself to do the things I need to.  I guess that's my subtle reminder to get my butt in gear and take my vitamins EVERY day.  Days like today remind me of how much they really are helping.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today.  I met her through our work and she has PCOS.  She has known since she was a teenager and she had her first annual checkup.  She worries about the risk of diabetes because her mom is diabetic.  She said she struggles to get out of bed in the mornings and she wants to lose weight.  Other than that, she's not terribly concerned with the other symptoms she exhibits.  It doesn't bother her that she's not be able to get pregnant.  It was a reminder to me that even women with the same physiological symptoms aren't going to experience the same things emotionally.  It's just another crazy layer to an already complicated situation and an angle I hadn't really explored yet.

Food Log

Breakfast:  2 egg omelet with soy milk, green peppers, onions and mushrooms

Lunch:  2 chicken strips and cantaloupe

Dinner:  Wendy's small chili and a junior cheeseburger deluxe

Day Nineteen

Well, it's Sunday mornin' and the sun is shinin' . . .  And I slept in and read for a while.  I took the morning off.  I needed it.  Tomorrow is back to work and I am dreading it.  So is Dan. 

We had quicky lunches today and then I headed for my PartyLite monthly meeting.  It was small, but good.  We talked about a lot of the things from conference and Patti had a beautiful display set up.  It was nice to get in touch with some of the other ladies who are working their business too.  I have missed that.  Patti challenged us to each do our own in home show this week.  My home is not really an option for this right now, so I will make some calls to find a place where I can do an open house of sorts.  This should be fun.  :)  I'm not totally sure I can pull it off this weekend with having to find a location, but I WILL get it done!

After the meeting, we went to a 4 year old's birthday dinner.  It was at Denny's.  We have discovered that there is nothing on the Denny's menu that does not have some sort of dairy in it.  They must use a lot of butter.  I picked the best meal that I could figure out and I think I did all right.  I also traded three tealights for names and phone numbers. :)  It was pretty late when we got home and Livi cried because she wasn't ready to leave her friend, Madi yet.  They hadn't seen each other for a few weeks so we thought it might end that way. 

We almost didn't make it home.  The car started doing funny things and not shifting right and we thought we were going to have to stay in KC.  We were going 4500 RPMs but only going 40 mph.  We stopped and rebooted the car, so to speak.  We turned it off and restarted and tried again.  This time it was ok.  Sometime this week I'll take it in for an oil change, which is due anyway, and have the mechanic look it over.  Hopefully it's not too big of a mess.  I don't want to use up all of our savings to fix it, because we had other plans for it, but at least we have something to work with.

Food log

Lunch:  Lean cuisine frozen dinner with steak tips and broccoli.  I ate two which was 320 calories.  Not the best choice, but not the worst either.

Dinner:  Ranchero Tilapia with coleslaw and a side salad.

No snacks today.  My total food intake has been pretty low this week, but my exercise has been also.  Two more days until measurements!

Day Eighteen

WOO HOO!!  I just learned that a good friend of mine has published her first book!  I am SO excited!  I just ordered my copy of "Mercy Town" by R. delRio from Amazon!  It's available in paperback or for the Kindle.  I will post a review once I have read it.  Way to go, R. delRio!

I was lazy and slept in today.  It's been a long week and I would have slept longer if I hadn't gotten a work-type call.  It's still fairly cool so I may be able to ride this evening before it gets dark.  I am missing my rides.  Now that I'm up, dressed and ready to face the day, it's after 10:30.  No breakfast now, but I've got big plans for buying vegetables at the store today for roasting!  And there is a meat shop that's about fifteen minutes away that I want to stop by and see if they make their own hot dogs.  I know they still wouldn't be the height of healthy eating, but they would sure be a better splurge than the regular hot dogs!

I am very frustrated about the ads and media that I'm seeing about PCOS.  For example, insulin resistance does not cause PCOS.  Resolving your insulin resistance alone will not CURE you although it will help many of your symptoms.  Another line I read was that PCOS is linked to hormonal imbalance.  PCOS IS a hormonal imbalance.  How is anyone supposed to find facts when there is so much information is misleading or inaccurate?

So, I have decided to write a series of articles clearing some of the fog surrounding PCOS.  I will be sure to post the links as I complete the articles.  I should have my first article up in the next day or two.

Dan got his hair cut today.  It was longer than mine and now, it's a more professional look.  Much better for getting his foot in the door as a dealer in a casino.  At least we hope it is!  I gave away two PartyLite tealights  and a business card to the ladies at Sports Clips where Dan got his haircut.  They were so nice and friendly, as well as excited about free candles, that it was lots of fun!

Dan is going to try taking my bike for a ride in the next few days to see how he likes it.  :) Yeah!  

Food Log

No breakfast.

Lunch:  grilled hamburger with lettuce, tomato and red onion.  One hot dog and some roasted brussel sprouts.  The outer leaves that turned dark brown did have a hint of a popcorn taste.  I just rolled them in about a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil, and added a pinch of Real Salt and some freshly ground black pepper.  I roasted them on the grill and I think it was a bit too hot.  They weren't as done in the middle as I would have liked.  Let's give a big round of applause to Dan's aunt, Cyndie, for her help in making vegetables more yummy!

Dinner:  One tamale, two flautas and four chips with salsa.  My tummy reminded me that this was a big mistake almost immediately after I was done eating.  I wish I knew why I did things like this so I could break these habits a little easier.  I reminded myself to only eat a few chips, but then I ordered foods that I know are not good for me.  I'm certain that over time this will get easier.  It's just not easy yet.