Dan and I were having a theological discussion the other night. That's a little strange in and of itself as he's always been less than open to these conversations, but "times, they are a changin'." Payton has told me a couple of times now that God just doesn't want us to be happy. I think that he's joking but I still try to reassure him that this is not the case. That's kind of what started our talk. I feel horrible that Payton might truly believe this. And I feel even more horrible that our homeless status is my own fault.
I guess that's not entirely true as I don't know how things would have turned out had I handled things differently. I know that we could not pay all of the rent, so I paid everything else. I didn't know how to handle it, so I didn't. I was waiting for an eviction notice and looking for a new place, but the eviction came first. This is a major issue that I have. When life is overwhelming, my brain goes into hiding. I'm trying to work on this. Another thing I'm working on is to try to see my own positives. The good news is, we didn't loose our heat, our car, the insurance or our phone.
And now back to our previously scheduled conversation . . .
People always say that when you are going through a hard time, you are being tested. I said, but if we are being tested, I have already failed miserably. The test should be over now. Dan had a different theory. He said, "But God's not the one doing the testing. If the devil is doing the testing, then he's all about kicking the broken dog when he's already on the floor. So what you have to do is pee on his shoes! And then, when he reaches down to punish you, you bite his hand!"
Such is the world according to my Dan. No wonder I love him so much! God gave him to me to give me perspective. :)
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