With everything going on lately, I have been in pretty close contact with my extended family. Before we finalized our decision to let Ash go, we talked to everyone we could think of. We talked to the school counselor, the teachers, Momma and Daddy, Dan's mom, my sisters, my brother and close friends. We were desperate to find a better path. My folks said that they had wondered themselves if it wouldn't be better to let Ash go, but they didn't want to suggest that to us as it was not their decision to make. The school counselor was very supportive and offered suggestions on how to help the kids handle the change. The teachers we also supportive and assured me that they will keep a close eye on the kids to see if there are any issues we need to address. Ashlynn's teacher was very disappointed that Ash will be leaving. I was worried that my youngest sister would be upset with me because she has been trying for several years to have a baby but it hasn't worked out. She was also understanding. The only person who was not understanding was Dan's dad. But he has made very little attempt to connect with our family until recently and so I don't think he understands the situation. He and I have had our go-rounds and I don't bother with him much. He never seems to support Dan in anything he does. He told Dan he was not supporting his family when the kids were little and he was the one staying home because I made more money. He didn't attend our wedding and he doesn't treat either of the sons Dan has chosen to raise as grandkids. He constantly harasses Dan because he doesn't have a son to carry on the family name, but about the time Dan and I got married, his dad wanted to change his last name anyway. I have given up trying to understand him, I just wish he could support Dan because I know he is never happy when the phone calls end. We are so lucky that his mom and my family are supportive. They realize that this was not the easy decision for us, but the one we felt was best. Even after all of the phone calls and all of the moral support, I felt the best after I talked to my sister, Jesi. When I talked to Jesi, I told her that I felt like we were tearing Ash apart. Jesi reminded me of a story about Solomon that really reassured me and gave me confidence that we were on the right path.
Dan wrote this poem about our struggles.From us she took, through
Biological warfare,
Our innocent child.
Our dearest loved one.
Lost but never forgotten.
The courts have failed us.
I have seen smiles fade,
And tempers flare in anger,
Why did she take her?
We have asked ourselves why Melissa would take our little girl so many times, but we know the answer. We have never tried to keep her from Melissa, but we have tried to provide stability which Melissa has worked to undermine even when she wasn't ready to raise a child. In "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield, there is a quote, that I can't find again as the book is back with the library, that suggests that we all do our best. It says that everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge and tools they have available to them at any given time. While I completely disagree with Melissa's methods, I can't expect her to do more than her best. I'm sure that in her eyes she is doing what is best. We can only pray that it will be good enough.
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